How Do YoU KnoW thAt you're A good Friend?

Dad was talking about his school friends, or should I say his gang in school days. They used to hang people's underwear at the canteen.. (abah..abah..) There are so many other juvenile things that they did.. I'm sure it was fun..for them..not the victims though..

Mom: Why don't you get together with them.. you know.. have dinner together..catch up..

Dad  : I guess we should. It would be great. Plus, they don't know about my pasts.. 

Mom: So what if they do? Friends, if they are really your friends, they wouldn't care about your pasts.. That's what make good friends.. 

I guess my mom's right. I believe so. But I don't know whether I am a good friend to my friends.. 

Take this..

My friend (let's say her name is Emm), and I, we promised to go to this camp together.. I agreed to join the camp because of her.. Suddenly, after a day or so.. she told me that she couldn't join the camp for a very good reason (unfortunately :(  ). So I was disappointed... 

Then, I had this great idea.. I asked another friend of mine (Ree) whether she would want to go to the camp.. and I was ecstatic when she said YES! 

So I texted Emm and told her that Ree would want to go on behalf of her.. you know, replace her in other words..  and so Emm contacted with the person in charge of the camp and gave Ree's number to him. The next day, Ree told me that the university contacted her and her participation was confirmed. I was sooo happy! That night, I slept with smiles on my face.. :)

The next morning, Ree asked me what to pack for the camp, so I, with 'hati yang berbunga-bunga' told her to pack this and that and bla bla bla...

Not long after that, Ree texted me. She said, she couldn't go. and she said sorry. 

Once again, I was devastated. I am devastated. I didn't reply her text. Couldn't.

How selfish her decision was! How am I gonna face Emm? How am I gonna face Abang Syafiq? He's the person Emm contacted.. He knows me, he knows Ree is my friend, and he must have guessed that I was behind all of this.. this replacing thing.. sigh. I was upset. I was more upset when I found out the reason, Ree's reason.

"My mom said it's too far. Terengganu is too far. So I couldn't go. Sorry."

Unexceptable.period.

Then, I sat alone. Thinking about it. Then I realized something.. I said she was being selfish.. was she? or was I???? Am I being selfish? I am mad at her because I don't have anyone to accompany me to the camp. Am I being selfish? self-centered? 

I want to be a good friend to my friends.. all of them..but I don't know how..does that make sense?

What would a good friend do if this kind of situation happen? How would a good friend should feel towards her friend? 

I don't have the answer for that. I can't find the answer. Does that mean that I'm not a good friend? 

I am selfish, self-centered.. always doing things for my own benefits.. my own! not others. 

What to do now? 

:( Emm & Ree, if you girls happen to read this entry.. I'm SOOO SORRY. that's all I can say..