Sorry for your lost...

I got up this morning like any other day. woken by my mother's voice~calling my name~gonna miss it soon. Got up from my bed, reluctantly because the morning was sooo cold-plus my fan-and the comforter was so warm, doing its job-comforting-but i managed to fight my lust and immediately took my blue towel and off to the bathroom.

then, i went to the dining hall-three feet away from my room-very convenient, haha- had my breakfast, Cucur Cempedak-my favourite. While i was eating, i was thinking about this blog... utter.ly.bland. doesnt seemed like a well-suited name for this blog. it doesnt sound right. it doesnt do this blog justice. i have to think of some other name for it. But what? 

Unable to stop myself from wandering the new name for my blog, i went to my small bookshelf in my little humble room, took out the thesaurus. yup. that's right. the thesaurus. i cant decide which alphabet that i want to start with. then i figure, why dont i just start from A to Z? haha. and so i did.

i browsed almost every page of the thesaurus, my eyes were quickly scanning the words looking for the right one that would describe this blog. suddenly, i found myself looking at the very last page. the Z section. already? i thought. but i didnt find the words yet, i was frustrated. 

after my breakfast, i went to the kitchen to wash my hands, then the washing machine sang a song, literally- signalling the owner that it has done its job. so, i switched off the power supply and the water tap. pulled up its lid, and i took out the flowery comforter and hung it outside. good weather today, i mumbled.

after that, i went to my room and took my purple Sony Ericsson. to my surprised, there were three missed calls.when did that happened? how come i couldnt hear it rang? without thinking further, i immediately dialled the number. it was my friend who had called, Asma Najaj. 

'hello, Asma!'
'Iman.'
'why do you always call me when i'm not around my phone?' i joked.
'erm. Iman. xxxxx's dad just passed away...'
'what?'

it was hard to get that news into the system. it was hard to believe. it was very surprising. i hadnt heard him sick or anything. so it was very unexpected. very unbelievable.

i stood there in my room for a minute. trying to grasp the solemn news about my friend. somehow, i was smiling... not that i'm happy..of course not! i was smiling because it seemed ridiculous. i was definitely unable to grasp the news yet...

i told my parents about it. they too, were stunned.

i went to pay my last respect to her father at their home. i went there with my other friends, Aliaa Ariff, Hazimah Amran and Anis Romli. they picked me up at Anis's place. the whole journey to her home seemed longer than it should...i was in the car with my friends but not wholly. all i could think of was about my friend who had just lost a man of her life...

i was nervous. i was a little bit panicked. i didnt know what to do. what to say. this is my first time. i have never had any person that is close to me that had lost someone, besides my mum who had lost her mother a few years ago... i was so afraid that i would drop my tears in front of her. i knew, that i would cry. death, sadness, were the things that i'm very bad at handling. people cry, i cry. this was why i was arguing with myself whether i should go to her or not. i was afraid that me being there, would make her feel worst... 

so i asked for some help. i texted my friends who had an experience in this kind of situation and asked for some advice. they helped to calm me down. i gathered myself together and tried my very best to hold my tears. at least until after i saw her. i promised myself.

the second i saw her reddened face, my tears betrayed me. all the words that was lingering in my head. gone. left with some tears. i hated myself. i was making this harder for her. i shouldnt be there in the first place. so as i thought.

i was so amazed looking at my friend. she seemed to handle this very well. though i cant imagine the things that was lingering inside her mind. her dad. her dying dad. his last words. his last smiles... i could only guess...

i was so proud of her. she was strong. i couldnt see myself with such strength that she had. i love her. i was very sorry for her lost...

after reciting some al-fatihah and yassin..we decided to go home. she needed some time alone.

*if you're reading this, i hope that you know how much i love you and i'll always be here whenever u need me... al-fatihah.

until next post, with love...