The Mess i'm Getting into...

I’m talking about my studies. Why mess? It’s a mess because for the first time i’m not sure what i’m doing or about to do...

From the beginning, everything was well planned... from a small primary school to a well-achieved secondary school then to a foundation programme at a local university... it was well-planned, planned by me..encouraged by my parents... it was clear what i was suppose to do, what i was meant to be...a teacher.

During a year of studying in the foundation programme, i was happy, i was very confident with the things that i did... it could have not be better... i learnt English which is my passion until this moment i’m writing it.. we learnt how to write academically, how to read effectively, we learnt to listen more talk brilliantly, and of course, there was grammar which by the way my favourite subject! It was...fun. Then, during the 2nd semester, we found ourselves involved in literature, drama... which are very very very entertaining.. we watched a few great theatre performances, a musical theatre... it was great. I was absolutely happy being in the programme...and it was devastating leaving the programme after the finals..

I have 3 months of doing-nothing-days before i will enrol to a degree programme.
It’s during this months that things started to get mess up. My mum who is a teacher, starts coming home with bad moods.. she was telling me the problems she is having with her students at school and i believe she’s not the only teacher that felt that way. Then the news was flooded about secondary school students, some tried to commit suicide, some bullying others, and some even blackmailing teachers! I know that these things aren’t new, but when i’m getting close to become a teacher, its, scary.

So, i started to have second thoughts about being a teacher. And this bothers me because well, because how can i know that i cant be a teacher when i haven’t try it yet??? Plus, when people ask me ‘what are you studying?’ then i would say ‘i’m taking education programme’, and they would smile and say ‘good.good for you’. I am so confuse, i mean, i am no longer believe that i can be a teacher, but people kept saying that being a teacher is good for me...

Then, something happened. I didn’t pass the Medsi written test. MedSI is a test that you need to pass if you want to proceed with a degree programme in education. Translation: you cant be a teacher if you didn’t pass the medsi test and interview. And i didn’t pass. Surprisingly, i was happy or more accurately, i was relieved. Relieve to know that i was right, i’m not suitable to be a teacher. Relieved because i don’t have to feel guilty about changing my course... relieved! Some of my friends who passed the test were so sad on behalf of me, how funny is that! Some tried to comfort me, which i really do appreciate it, but i don’t need it this time...

So when its time to update my UPU application, i crossed out TESL from my options... it was from this moment that i realized that i don’t know what course to choose... what i know is that i don’t want anything other than English... so i have my options narrowed to 5 or 6 choices... now the hardest part is to choose which should i place at the top??? It was down to 2 final courses (drumroll please...)
1. Bachelor applied language studies (English for professional communication)
2. Bachelor of human sciences (English literature and linguistics)

For the #1 choice, it offers English studies and some communication skills plus minor in business...
For the #2 choice, it offers English studies, some literature which i love... its almost the same as tesl course except that its not about teaching..which is also perfect...

So, i chose #2 programme, why? Because first of all, its what i love:English! Secondly, i have a secret desire to become an author, and my currently favourite author Stephenie Meyer has a degree in English literature...that’s why. Plus, its in UIA, which is an international university with such an outstanding academic excellence. I’ll be also learning more on Islamic courses, plus i could be a better Muslimah... where else can i get this opportunity, right?
Or not.

Then, i decided to have a kind of discussion with my parents about it. So i asked for their opinion... my mum said that she thinks its a better idea if i choose #1. Its about communication, which i’ll have so many job opportunity later. I could work like everywhere...the embassy, broadcasting, offices...everywhere that needs communication! She said, if i really want literature so bad, maybe i could do my Master in literature later... another reason is that, this degree programme only costs me 3 years of my life, the UIA takes 4 years.. there’s 1 year difference there, and she kept telling me that, that 1 year is HUGE! Degree is still a degree no matter how long it takes for you to have it. The faster, the better...that’s what my mum said. My dad...he didn’t say as much as my mum did. He just said that he likes me to be in UiTM... but he doesn’t want to be the wall between me and my dreams so, he said, it’s up to me...

After a long time of considering everything, my parents opinions, my friends’ opinion, after browsing the courses in the net, after thinking, and thinking...thinking... i ended up choosing programme #1...

I mean, its perfect for me... in this programme i can learnt English, i can learnt about communication which is absolutely vital in any job you gonna involve in later, and i’ll be learning a little bit about business...which by the way will help me when my dad decided to ask me to take over his agency...he hinted me a couple of times that someday it will happen... although i don’t really like the idea of being in business...it’s the price u have to pay when you have a dad as a businessman, you are the first child and when you have a brother that is too young to replace you...i guess i’ve always see this coming, me in business...i tried to runaway from it, but life doesn’t work that way.. you gotta go back to the reality in the end.. and this is mine..

Don’t get the wrong idea, I AM HAPPY with this.. too happy that now i’m afraid that there are possibilities that i might not get accepted into the programme and i might ended up stuck in the English and literature..which i used to adore..but not anymore...

See, i told you, I’M IN A MESS!

Until next post, hugs and kisses!