TwentySix

It's June!

My birthday is coming up. My 26th.

Actually, according to Islamic Calendar, my birthday had passed long ago.. and it's actually a year 'faster' so basically i'll be 27 this Zulhijjah (September)...

Awesome (not).

Everytime I had to write down my age, or do something that reminds me of my age, i'll get scared. Grateful that Allah gave me another day to breathe, but am scared.

As I grew older, responsibilities are getting bigger, life expectations are higher, and knowing that day by day I am closer to my end, time is getting less, faster and lesser.

And questions that came to mind simply are those that i'm either doesn't have the answer to or too coward to say them out loud.

"Have I spent my 26 years to my best being?"
"Have the years past went without regrets?"
"Am I happy with where I am now?"
"Had I made me today someone that could guide myself and those whom I dearly love to Jannatul Firdaus?"
"If I were to die later today or tomorrow, do I have people that would help me seek for Allah's mercy & forgiveness and ease my journey to the hereafter? For I have sinned in my life"

Alhamdulillah. I do have a lot to be grateful today.

I have a loving supportive small family (mama, abah and adik)
I have wonderful friends that understand me, are very helpful, and became my happy pils.
I have a comfortable place to stay for rest and eat
I have a good job with such rewarding experience-giver
I have wixxy (my car) to help me do so much
I am in good health and positive heart
I have so much to be grateful for.

I'm 26.
I need to be ready for the end.
I'm too overwhelmed with the world, that I often forgotten that the life that i'm living now is just temporary.

I'm 26.
I may not reach 27. Who knows.
I'm too complacent with my life today, that I often forgotten to keep on improving myself for a better hereafter.

I'm 26.
I have sinned.
I have regrets.

I'm 26.
Thank you Allah for all the Rezqi you shower me with.
Please forgive me, keep my Iman strong, and protect me from Mungkar.
I'm scared for what YOU have waiting for me.

Forgive me.

Iman.